GOPLOG

Dateline 10,000 BC - Gronk and his lifemate Zula eked out a meager existence, living in a small cave, on the edge of a primordial forest. They had the fire thing figured out and they’d learned, the hard way, what berries and fruits to avoid. They’d even made the quantum leap from dull club to sharp stick, to bring down a healthy warthog.

Each morning they would set out into the forest in search of game. Their two grubby offspring would forage for berries and nuts. As night fell they would return to their tiny encampment. The fire would be out and they would need to gather wood and water. Working alone, every day was a grinding struggle for survival.

One morning, Grunk ran into his neighbor Thub, down at the WAWA tree. Thub lived in a shaky looking tree fort across the stream that they both used for water and washing. As they nibbled coffee beans and sharpened their spears, Gronk and Thub lamented their solitary struggles for subsistence. If only their mates were stronger. They could carry more wood and bring down game more easily. If only they could leave someone behind to tend the fires.

But then they would have no hunting companion to drive the forest animals. Grunk, who may have had one too many coffee beans, suddenly gushed, “Thub…Thub…how ‘bout this? How ‘bout we work together? You and I are both great hunters. If we stalked the forest together, we could leave our women and children behind. They could gather wood and stoke the fires. The children could bring water and forage for nuts and berries. With our combined strength, we could double our kill and return at sun down to cool water and hot fire!”

Thub’s first thought was, “What’s in these crazy beans?” But he had to admit that what Grunk said made a lot sense.

That night, as the moon rose and the wolves bayed, Grunk broached his brainstorm to Zula. At first it seemed to her like an excuse for Grunk and Thub to go off fish smashing alone and drink the juice of the Budweiser tree. But Zula couldn’t put a dent in Grunk’s argument that joining forces with Thub would make their lives easier.

The next morning, Gronk and Thub headed off into the forest together and Zula and the children brought water from the stream and picked the berries that didn’t make them throw up. Late in the day they ventured into the trees to gather wood for the evening. There they encountered Thub’s lifemate Bruna, and her son Nanad struggling to haul a large branch from the underbrush. The two women looked at each other and without a word began to work together, hauling the larger logs from the forest, while the children gathered the kindling wood.

With the setting sun at their backs ( and after a brief detour to the Budweiser tree), Grunk and Thub emerged from the shadows of the dimming forest laden with a bountiful kill. Hunting in tandem they were a whole new kind of killing machine. Exhausted and satisfied, Grunk turned to Thub, “See Thub, it worked, a cozy camp with a roaring fire and an urn full of cool river water!”

As they parted ways, Thub called back, “Keep eating those WAWA beans Grunk. Gotta love it when a plan comes together.”

By the embers of the dying fire, Zula recounted her new found logging partnership with Bruna and son. The only problem was once they cleared the logs from the forest, they needed to get half the load across the stream to the shaky tree fort. “If only Thub and Bruna lived on our side of stream” mused Zula, “then we could share one large stockpile of firewood.”

Krunk, who had been half listening as he dozed with the kids on the saber tooth tiger lounger, suddenly perked up, “ If they lived that close, we could not only share the fire wood, but the fire! Not only would we use less wood, put we would only need one person to tend the fire.”

Zula was getting it. “We could have one large water urn, one pen for the wild chickens, and you and Thub could take turns guarding the kill.”

“Thub’s family could move into the empty cave next door. We could share everything.” Grunk was really seeing the possibilities.

“Not everything Grunk” warned Zula, “not everything.”

As the weeks passed, the two families became a new type of social unit. By joining forces, their daily struggles were more fruitful and less taxing. Soon other families saw the wisdom of their new ways and ventured from their solitary outposts to cluster with Krunk and Thub in the caves on the edge of the primordial forest. By pooling their talents and resources (and eliminating redundancy in their daily routine), the fledgling village had stumbled across a new concept - Consolidation.

One night, Zula exclaimed, “Krunk, this is going so well, we have no chores left to do!” By working together, they had opened the door to a whole new world, free time.

“Your right Zula, I think I’ll meet Thub down by the Budweiser tree,” ventured Krunk.

“Nice try Neanderthal,” said Zula. “You’re not going anywhere ‘til we do a little
cave painting.”

As I powered through my morning routine, (make the coffee, make the school lunch, feed the cats, get to the bus, sneak in a run, bring in the paper, hit the showers….you know the drill) I was scanning the headlines and half listening to my lovely wife drone on about the desperate need to finally paint the family room, (I’m feelin’ ya Krunk) when I came across an article on the pressing problem of vacant school board seats. It seems many smaller districts are having a hard time recruiting for what can be a pretty thankless job. This got me to wondering just how many school boards are there in my home County of Cape May.

I did a quick, haphazard search of the internet and came up with sixteen.